5 - 1 = always 5

The original 4 increase to 5 with Linda presence. After 2 months it reduced back to 4 with the departure of Mira. and soon it will turn to odd number again with the approach of April month. I've prepare myself with some activities that i might be able to do until i settle down for other job offer. With the saving that i gather for the past few months, i think i'm going for a Nikon d60 maybe the end of march. Recently went to BJ Complex photo fair, found the camera with reasonable price and package. Camera+8gb Sd+Photography Class = Rm 1988. I made my decision to not to rush into this deal since it involve quite a sum of money. So decided to wait for the pro to give clearer view on the camera before jumping into decision.

In addition, my parents' plan to open a Koay Tiaw Th'ng stall in Matang might keep me occupied for some time. I know, life after the farewell definitely not going to be the same. I might not be able to enjoy the Movie Day like i used to. So i made up my mind, since I'm going to help my parents, i'm going all out. I'm not going to do thing half hearted anymore. Put the degree thing aside. That piece of paper which i'm struggling to achieve for 3 years doesn't seem to be helping at this hard time. People might said that i made a wrong choice by becoming a buyer and not to stay on the research line. But i would proudly said I'm proud with my achievement as a human being. At least i have clearer picture on the other world. I experienced the hathic working hour. The stress that trigger while dealing and completing my task.

So to those out there, we should always develop and improve ourself. The hard situation always create the room for improvement. Mira.. if leaving means that u r one step to the success, then u made the right move. Don't feel bad about it. Like the formula 5 - 1 will always remain 5 in our heart. No matter which corner of the world that all of us in. Our friendship will remain forever.. That is a promise.

Deep down in me, the countdown clock started to tick. It tick faster with the approach of 25th March 2009.

Story Told As It Is

He was staring at us. But he stared at me more. Sadness shows in his eye. He's trying to overcome his guilt on delivering the news. And trying to hope that we understand the sorrow and hard time that he faced in making such decision. "I'm sorry.. But HR decided not to continue the contractor's contract", my boss finally go to the point. The news were blowing hard on the retrenchment, eventually it is no longer a rumors, it's a fact that all of us - the contractors have to faced. Which heart didn't brake when listening to this. Even those unaffected seems to feel down like us. Although they felt lucky it is not them, but i know. They sincerely felt sorry for us..

The situation was so tensed and quite. He gave us motivations and backup plan on helping us (which i thank him a lot on such efforts that he did..Thank You Very Much Boss..!!). Tears dropped slowly from Jane's eye. I held my breath. Fighting hard to grip my emotion. I looked at one by one realising that, this is the team that I'm leaving behind in a month. Smile Marina Smile, i told myself. Everyone tried to act normal but deep down we know that even breathing is hard that very moment. I controlled my emotion as well as possible coz i know that once i broke down, i may not stop. My mind and heart kept racing to express itself. And my mind won. Coz i know, things happen for a reason. My life won't stop spinning if i quit. The world still active if i'm down. This is just another story that is written in my life diary. Eventually this is a sad one.

Having office mates that i have right now is a bless. True bless. Despite of the blown, we still find space to be together and cherished the few moments left. We laughed, we teased, we talked, we played.. No replacement for the friendship i'm into now. I'm really grateful of it.

Life goes on. It's the matter of how we human handle the obstacles. If u manage to overcome, 1 point will be added in our maturity. More points added for experience. The wrong timing to burst to the working world shouldn't be the excuse to the future hard life i'm facing. It's supposed to energize me on becoming a flexible person who adapt well to the changes in life.

Rounds of bowling in the afternoon did some how cheered us up. Then i realized, there's no point to feel gloom and down when u have a bunch of friends that are always be with u and laughter might follow naturally. Your sorrow will be less coz u know people still care. Nothing can buy the friendship that i have right now. Nothing can replace the joy that i feel. Far most important, nothing can tare me apart. Coz i believe that He has better plan for me. No test will be given to us unless He make sure that we can handle it. Furthermore, the sun still shine after heavy rain. Yes.. As simple as that. Be patience and wait... The day will arrive..

p/s: The best part is I Can Skipped Orientation.!!

1,2 !!!

I just came back from the weekly routine to jump up and down at the PISA. The Sunday aerobic session..!! But realized that i started to get tired very fast. The past few weeks i could stay until the end of the hour. Now, i couldn't even hold my breath after the first half. Sometimes my chest felt so painful and i think i looked pale like a corpse. So I'll stop for a while and started to inhale and exhale. This technique not really working but temporarily will do. Since the medical check up that i under go last month, i took iron pill daily(neg by my father everyday). So the lack of iron shouldn't be the reason. Fuhh.. What happen ni...

Have a meeting with my future student's parent (insyaAllah). A bit nervous. Hopefully everything turn out to be well.

That's It

Ya.. That's it!! I've been receiving bad real bad comment on my skin. Not to say that i gave up.. It just that, being simple is OK. There is no necessity on trying to be different from people just to stand up. Hello.. People will know who you are when they get along wtih you for quite some time. Although i tend to give false first impression (Bad one of coz..), I'm still me. I would look weird and freaky if I'm trying to act beautiful and ayu. Yukkkksss.. Sounds suckss and reality I'm suckkss when becoming one. So Heheheh i won't give up on modifying skin for my blog. Some people might like it, some might not. But it's worth of trying. But temporarily, i'll go for this simple one. I am a simple girl trying to be complex. Yeahhh..

The Eye That See The World

Today I've wrote 2 articles. One on the environment which i found out that i'm pretty much an environmental activist. I care, i really do. Although i couldnt put perfectly in words, I still wanna admit that i love the nature. Another article is on the installation of security camera at public place. I wrote 4 pages long for the 1st one which is in BM and 2 pages long for the second. Hehehe..i have to admit that although my general knowledge is very poor. Yet through constantly blogging (Ahakzz Yen Nee, dun laugh to this statement.. Constant la ni..1 week once..Tahan!!), i found out that idea easily flow once i pen down. I used to worry that i couldn't write in BM anymore since i stop mengarang for years. I don't know whether my essay going to impress the reader or not, but i've put my every opinion into it and little bit proud. Ahakzz..

Share with me your thought on : the installation of security camera in public place to fight crime. Some might find it invading their privacy. You think?

The Gambler In Me

For the past 3 nights I've been enjoying myself playing card continuously. Usually we started off at 1++ am. The first day was blur session where i kept on making horrible mistake on determining what type of card to be placed. I was taught by Nicole 3 different game: Big D, 8.9. and Between. We ended up playing Big D all the time. It's indeed a very interesting game. It made my mind think at the peak hour where only movie and going out will make me stay awake. Definitely i was the big loser. Since it doesn't involve losing money (of coz no gaining oso!), we played again and again. Yesterday was the longest run. We started at 1.30 and ended at 4am.

I have to admit that playing card game is very addicting. Once u win, then u'll believe that u r going to win again the next round. If u loose, then u'll tell yourself that the next round will be better. According to Nicole n Jane this game depends on luck as well as skill (which both I'm lack of) . It does. I started winning a few round today.

Playing cards like Big2 puts me into situation where i have to make decision which card to throw. If wrong decision is made, then i'll be giving advantage to my opponent. At the same time, it tested me how dare i am to release my big2. Well newbies like me throw big2 at early round.

First muslim out there: Don't gamble!! hehehe Let's relate this game with some moral values(in term of card game). In life, there are times where decisions have to be made. It come whether we are prepare or unprepared. If we throw wrong card for instance, we might still win as long as the next person throw our desired card. Which mean, don't afraid to make decision. Jgn ragu-ragu. Yes u might regret on the wrong action. Like the saying goes " Action might not bring happiness, but there's no happiness without action". But life is about taking risk. Shuhhhh ur self out of the comfort zone. Go out and face the world. !!!

Friends

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I read one of the blog in the blog of note. http://www.almostdailyexploits.com/. She touched a bit on her girl friends. Excitement grows to talk about my friends (both girl and guy).

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Frankly speaking, i used to prefer to spend time with guy friends instead of girl. There are less emotional involved through this friendship.

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I used to be very sensitive in term of my daily life. I always wanted things to go on my way, my view. So i tend to hurt my friends around by becoming a dictator. So girls couldn't get along very well with me. At that time, my circle of close friends was very limited. No intermediate phase. Either close or not close. Until one day my matrix friend (Ismahany), tegur me on my behaviour. She said that not every one can follow our way. We are living in a world filled with human being with different characters. We have to adapt in this situation only then we can survived. I took that advice seriously.

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Then i started to be less emotional dependent. I always comfort myself whenever i encounter any situation that trigger my anger or hurt me. The first few tries were very tough. Whenever i hold my anger, I'll cried. The meditation and proper breathing technique during anger proven to be effective.
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x-emo people will definitely understand well the present-emo person. How their facial expression might change once something trigger them. The action that was taken by me is not paying too much attention to those sign when i encounter one. It's not that i refuse to care about them. I still entertain in a lighter way. In my opinion, if u take things too seriously, things will not get better. U just have to get over it. Either hurt yourself and others or take it easy and everyone is happy. We make the choice, after all it's our life. But remember. We are living with others.
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p/s: will continue with life after study.....Dream team..Ur turn is next!!

Hard Life Out There

My bestie cum my xroomate - Dayah, was in Penang yesterday for a short job interview. I haven't met her for quite some time. She's one of the finest god creature that has a piece of a very good heart or in the pasar language "Keramat Idup Punya Org". She's someone that u know u can count on, will share your burden, will listen to every story that u tell without being annoy, won't try to create dirty situation to you. I manage to dig her hard life in KL. She was in KL for a training for 3 months. The training centre is situated somewhere in Dang Wangi while she stay all the way back in Bangi. Which i believe is very very far away from the training centre. Not to mentioned the condition of her current rental house. A stinggan house with 2 rooms rental fees can goes up to rm400. The house condition is not tip top either. Dark and gloomy and it looks freaky at night. They searched everywhere possible for rental house nearby. But turn down by the occupied room and the requirement to pay deposit. The travelling fees itself is already rm 10 per day. How is she going to survive i also don't know.

People used to say that KL is a gold mine. How true is that if the cost living is equally high. Of course success has it's own price. What if the price to pay is within our capability. I'm not referring to the money itself, your moral is on the bet as well. It's not a new issue on the collapse of those migrated to KL to hoping to find better lifestyle. Some people used to blame the individual for the bad outcome. Knowing a few which get drifted away, i found out that, the situation actually trigger the long shadowed inner side of them . Which mean some of them, the desire is there, it's the matter of time and situation where it is released and with the extra courage they be who they hoping to be. I'm not saying all. There are few living a hard life and they have no choice but to follow the flow.

Back to those drifted individual, if you come to know them personally, there are like any other individual. they treat you well is u treated them the same. It might sound wrong, but they are human being that is slightly out of the straight line. Should they be isolated? Humanity said no. They need to be reminded on the misdoing. But will it works? So far no. I believe no. Maybe the effort is not enough. Or the approach is wrong. But.. As a Muslim and other religion as well, when the obvious mistake categorize as wrong means wrong la. Manipulating the facts to make yourself feel better is not the right way.

Yet, we are human being. Group of mammals that makes mistake. Making mistake is sometimes unavoidable. But repeating the same mistake is the voodoo. It's time to wake up and think properly and analyze. Is this the life that u see yourself in 10 more years. Will you be able to live this life and confronted your family at the same time? How they put high hope on our success, how they pray for our better life. Children will hesitate to feed a plate of their fav dishes to their parents. Yet parents will rather starved to fed their children. The mistake today reflect the ahead life. Do not make a mistake that you know you'll regret later.

Livin' la Vida Loca

Wahh.. I'm receiving some quite negative comments on the new blog layout that i'm working on. Ahakzz.. Yet to see so many striking red once the blog is on thus hurt the eye. Tapi tak pa la.. It's my fav color after all. Why I'm so into red (like Ili so into pink, and Salwa into blue)? I remembered myself in the blue team when I'm in primary school. Being one of the itik on the field, i tend to have very strong spirit on the team I'm representing. Same goes to my other geng olahraga although we are in the different team. Most of us are in the blue and green team. So blue and green team seem to be strong competitors ever since. Since that, i know green is definitely the least color that i favoured. Then i moved to secondary school and I'm in the red team. Ahaksss.. The red team was champion for 3 years in a row. So there is the story plot. I like red madly coz my team won!! Go red. I even named my bola jaring team in matrix (Red scorpion adapted from blur scorpion in a Japan drama series-Pride). This is piece of empty content to be updated.

Practice

Now is 2 am in the morning. Why am i so late? doing this damn thing that all of u been looking at. I was trying to be creative by amending the template coding that i found in blogskins.com. I've been working on this for few days. Today still didn't manage to complete it. So this is so underconstruction. I'm trying to put colors into the page so it might fit my name blog "Colors of life". Still the Me without the art telent or touch stirrr everything into rubbish. I'm going to work on it. I will. Maybe now it look ugly.. It might be better in the future. Who knows i might be doing my own skin. Yukkksss.. Berangan!!!

Need to crawl up the bed since i have aerobic lesson tomorrow.

Office COrner

I used to blog everyday during the shut down period. Then i stopped blogging for sometimes. Like the term widely used by a friend of mine " hot hot chicken shit".

A few interesting events occur during the non blogging period. The rush to close thousand old POs and the happening night shift. We went out 3 days in a row to mamak. Then tonight all of us decided to organize a steamboat event. The second in conjunction with Zamirah resignation which effective on March.

Everyone is asked to be prepared to the worse situation. I don't prepare much. Waiting for the RA application which has been weeks until i'm giving up the hope into getting it. I just couldn't chase myself out of this comfort zone of mine. Although i hate the fact that there's nothing much i can do at work, i still couldn't think of myself leaving behind the life that i'm having at my current department. Salwa once mentioned before she hates so much to change the working environment where she has to start everything from zero. I don't agree at first. I thought that changing is a good sign. But now.. I agreed strongly.. Sangat berat hati wanna left everything behind..

But yet.. The reality and our inner thought not always the same. Sometimes we have to put aside our heart and think using the logical and rational thinking. Right?

The Darkness Never Dull Us

Arrrggghh..couldn't write la..No ideaaaa..Now I know, blogging is always an addiction although there times where no idea flow. To add on top, u have frens cum colleague who trying to chase u to "Weh update la weh blog..I got new post.!! Visit Mine..". Oh man.. Now I'm shivering and trying to pusing kiri and kanan to try to drag to make the story longer. I believe the subjects involve who blogged will tell nearly the same story as I am. But who cares.. Same pn same la..
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I'll go to the most interesting part of the night. The Ping Pong-Slapping session. The last i remember holding a bet is when I'm in standard 6 (during the PJ class). Being a used to be perasan athlete, i still find it very hard to control the ball. Our bos taught us the basic way to serve the ball and to hold the bet properly. And the first few hits were disaster. The ball flew to everywhere except the table. But we are laughing hard. Real hard. Enjoying the lesson. I learnt one important metaphor behind playing ping pong.

Hit hard or soft? U decide

As all of know that ping pong ball is very light. The table is not that big either. The most important technique will be controlling the hand power. And the gracefulness behind each hit. If u hit hard, the ball will be unconditionally bounce. If u hit too soft, the ball won't cross the net. I get pissed each time i couldn't hit the ball back to my opponent. But in the end i still have to control the anger in order to control the ball.

The moral value behind is no matter how angry or stress u are, when it come to a situation where application of force is not suitable, then u have to soft, to be cool, to observe the situation and act. Tender and softness still strike!! The ball still bounce and you still win. Right? Act accordingly. It doesn't hurt to be hypocrite sometimes if it's going to make the situation better. Not to say i enjoy ping pong. But i enjoy it because I'm playing with my frens. I always enjoy group game. Yeaaahhh Me always appreciate and cherish my friendships.!!

Dup dap Dup dap

My day started at 9am. When i woke up, a sense of freshness running through my mind. As if i just wake up from a long long sleep. Not to mention that i slept quiet early last night. 12.30am. I'm having a habit nowadays to write down my expenses in a little note book. Sort of like financial planner. At least it given me a clearer view on the flow of my money. So i went to banks to withdraw and deposits. I'm the owner of debit card. Huh? Why not credit? Coz i don't trust myself into controlling my expenditure once i start swapping. And, i couldn't bare my eye to receive the end of the month payment notice. Wahhh. As for me, i worked hard the whole month, and after i obtained my salary, then it goes to drain coz of all the payment for the bills.

I 'm using this!!

So to the credit card holders out there, please share your view with me. Why do u prefer to spend using credit card while u have cash with you. Isn't better to use the cash that is available as i knew that u still have to pay the credit card subscription fees. Please advice.

While i was depositing money to the debit card account, I saw an accident involving an uncle at Jalan Tengah. He sort of fall from the bike and hit the divider if I'm not mistaken. Then the St John's ambulance came in action and carried him to the hospital i supposed. That uncle is around my father age judging from his physical appearance. I do want to make this statement: some elderly drive like samseng. It's true. My father ride his motor like he was in his 20s. He doesn't give signal most of the time and he barely follow the traffic light and the speed limit. Of coz he poses the confident and good driving and riding skill. I've once confronted him on his recklessness. He stared to poured out his hujah2 which sounds more like excuses and still practicing it. eeeeee geramm..

Currently reading : Shopaholic Abroad
Currently listening : Malaysian Indie Songs from the famous downloader *Faez yang demam*