Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
time ako paling tenang skali time ako matrik.. time tu la ako mula berjinak dengan solat jemaah dan bacaan yassin. Time tu rasa jiwa ako tenang ja.. walaupun mulut suit ako still tak dak insurans.. kekadang ako tertanya gak ngan diri ako sendiri.. dah tau apa yang kosong tu, kenapa ako still remain ala hippies camni? dlu time ako matrik.. ako rasa cam hidayah dan sinar keinsafan yang ako terima nih insya’Allah akan berkekalan sampai bebila.. ako salah.. sbb.. inner ako masih belum kejab ilmu rohani ako.. ako bukan jahil.. cuma ako masih dalam fasa penafian.. ako tau and ako percaya dengan rukun agama.. ako tau ako paling filled bila ako dekat nganNya dengan full focus.. sialkan.. setiap kenyataan ako ada ‘tapi’.. sbb tu ako kata ako masih dalam denial..
ako tak sure brapa lama ako going to be like this.. ajal maut tak kenal umur, jantina… ako tak tau bila time ako.. tapi ako.. ako tak mo that hollow feeling.. ako cuba.. insya’Allah… mungkin ako tak sempat filled it before ako chow.. tapi.. ako akan cuba… slow slow.. sebab ako juga percaya.. Allah sangat sayang kat ako.. sbb tu ako ada kehidupan ako sekarang.. Ako sayang Dia juga.. Ya Allah… kau ampunkanlah dosa hamba mu ini.. teruslah naungi ako di bawah hidayah mu.. wlaupun berkali-kali ako membelakangi Mu.. ako may not be pengikutmMu yang baik seperti rakan taulan ku.. tapi.. ako tetap bersyukur.. sbb ako sedar.. kasihMu.. tetap bersamaku.. ya Tuhan.. terima kasih.. Alhamdulillah…
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Sunday, November 06, 2011
Thursday, November 03, 2011
If i were to categorize which generation possessed the highest confident level, the honor will definitely goes to BABY. They will fearlessly cry their lung out without keeping track on the time and place. And due to this fearless attitude, they will always getaway with whatever their want.. See… how confidence they are in expressing their thought although one might require some skill to do the interpretation. Like the lyric goes: You said it best when you said nothing at all…
Time and life changed us differently. Some of these babies are the hot shot in a corporate company and some are unfortunately ill with social disease and stuff. But all of our life started as a cute little confident baby.. cliché huh..
Those who knows me will agree i am not plain.. not that plain.. but i am more to moderate.. moderate both physically and mentally.. i just happened to know this and that.. and being recognized sometimes by who and who… and ive been like this ever since i hit whoever that was blocking my way (that was so during my jahiliah time!!) So i don’t have this huge turning point in my life when suddenly i am from this person changed to the other multi-fold improved individual.
Confidence has been nurtured in us from our surrounding. My pa made me stand by the Penang Bridge and snap photo when i can still clearly remember how gila babi scared i am. So i constantly challenge myself from time to time and confidence has tag along piece by piece. I may not being able to shot editorial pic or walk on the runaway (Hanis Zalikha!! U know how jealous the female and shemale are on your achievements!!!! TT_TT).. but then...we the moderate people still have some moments in our life where we accidently took good picture and are occasionally confident tak tentu hala walking on our flat/heels on the street (p market pn kira hokey!!!)..
In my case.. Confidence does not really change me but it shapes/molds me into who i am today. Confidence makes you see world differently and have your own perspective view without being too intimidated by people’s possible criticizes on you. Because you know that if they don’t accept your thoughts/idea, at least you burppp them out and you are heard rather than sitting around the corner and not doing anything because you are too shy or quite. I always believe it’s better something than nothing at all.
I’ve read on one of the blogger story on this title. I don’t feel sorry for her.. yet i feel proud of her.. she found it and her life has changed ever since.. Her past is just a stepping stone for her before she’s out of the cocoon. So those out there.. don’t wait for the cocoon to break.. Tear it!! No shield is needed as long as you believe.. God is with you.. ALWAYS.. If you think that you are doing something right.. Go ahead and accomplish your goal.. You just have to believe in your self..
That you CAN.. you WILL and you WANT
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I’m not sure about you but i do have this tendency to impress people around me with whatever skills that i posses. Even there are times where i’ve done some chores merely to let people notice about me. What a shame.. never learnt the word “sincerity” huh!!! the travelling thing was started off as a plot to wow people until i fell deeply in love with it.. addiction.. really hard to kick off addiction... though uploading the pics are one of the best thing followed by the impressive comments by the viewers… ahhhh sial ako kan.. tak guna…!!!
Trust me.. it is very tiring doing so.. (see… i used present tense!! which means at this very age… i still accommodate myself with such act.. sometime… pathetic kan??) but u cant help.. since i can't vow people with my beauty, what’s left is hard work… getting myself busy here and there… so u want to say that i’m hypocrite yer? that why just i can't act like myself.. or be myself?? why bother to put on such effort??
these are my excuses (if u prefer it to be called that way)…
1. i’m hell a busy body that like to land my hand in nearly everything within my reach…
2. Everything starts off with routine work aspired by my dear mother… wash this.. wash that… take this.. take that.. do this and that... Eventually requests have evolved to habit… so i practically moved myself to the chores first before this bad lingering thoughts creeping over my mind…. so it is sincere in the beginning and the uninvited intention follows..
p/s: so people who felt that i am always buat bagus or belagak baguih tu… think what u like.. if that satisfy u then go ahead… i am still me and u are still you…
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Thursday, October 06, 2011
Lama la plak ako tak berblog… not that i am extreme busy or what… harus aahhh ako stalk abis blog2 fav ako kan.. tak lengkap kitaran dan putaran hidup kiranya tiada sajian2 ayat-ayat gelak tuk ako start hari ako kan… cam effortless ja sesetengah org membuat lawak kt blog depa… “u need talent to be funny” hokey!! and ako love funny notes or quotes… this lazy cow cannot read heavy material… she’ll drain all her mental juice away and fell asleep immediately though she’s served herself with thick aroma coffee..
p/s: a little angry with herself lately for unable to control her anger… should she enjoys another holiday???
Thursday, September 15, 2011
People often said: do not get discourage by failure… I would say: Do not be carried away by discouragement. Hell a lie if u said when u failed on a task, u will head up and pay no attention to the sorrow.
It’s like being slapped heavily to the wall once u couldn’t complete your mission well though u have the strategy laid perfectly well in your mind. All things went on so well but the result turns out to be weird and unexpectedly bad. To top up the cream, you have constant critics pointing this and that for improvement. (0-0)??
p/s: The main subject of my story is: i cooked and i failed. i am angry and frustrated but i think i’ll still cook.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
i was approached by my father once on meditating each time before i sleep nearby exam period to avoid me spelling out all the chemical formula during my sleep.. but that was years ago..
on one of the book that i purchased lately "100 ways to motivate yourself" by Steve Chandler (bare in mind.. u dont need to have the latest book on the shelf to suit your reading appetite especially if in the critical financial situation like mine.. TT_TT)..
on one of the sub topic: "Don't just do something.. sit there"..
1. "the best way to truly understand the world is to remove yourself from it".
2. "Be quite still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet"
3. " you'll hear the side of you that you rarely hear. It's the side that makes the universe understandable."
i tried with my eye closed, trying to get myself some sleep before the sahur time after for nearly 2 hours lying awake on the bed.. what i did is the modified version of my own meditation since i often have millions of thing come across me from lab work to kitchen (that is a long stretch of journey hokey!!!)
1. I repeatedly took deep and long breath in and out.
2. since i still saw images and hear sound, so repeatedly i told myself: Don't think about anything... empty your mind...
slowly.... i was drifted away.. and i had a great 3 hours sleep better than 7 hours of dreamy black out...
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Of all the books i bought, i’ve started off with The Duke and I by Julia Quinn. With 8 siblings named according to alphabetical order, the story of the Bridgestones is very entertaining. And to my horror, i found out that the author has laid 8 different stories for each of the member. Aha.. So the predictable me eventually hunted for all the 8 stories.. Nonetheless, being wise at my stage of financial status, i couldn’t help but opted for ebook. So i downloaded the rest of the stories from 4shred.com.. can u believe that? 4shared not only hosted music!! Even most of the latest novel can be downloaded from there.. Given that you are up to reading them from the screen instead of flipping through the milky pages..
Okay.. i’m being a bit sentimental nowadays when i started to go for classical romance than thriller (i stop reading thriller for quite some period…).. and why was i being this position. simple. I enjoy reading people’s happy ending because i don’t know what’s laid ahead of me.. and why i choose classical? instead of current account? Because women of those time has yet too be too blunt and upfront.. It is somehow romantic to be under the charge of CAPABLE man. ahakz..
Yet,i am the true example that contradict of what I’ve just said.. pathetic huh… You couldn’t help to like what you are but there are time where u wish u are less complicated and just be what majority women are supposed to behave and feel. Fall in love, tie a knot, bear some cute little thing in your womb then tadaaaaa live the life that you are supposed to live.. sound easy huh??
the execution might not agree with the theory.. Especially when u have a piece of restless soul that hunger for more than to be in a commitment. You envy the laughter of a happy family yet you foresee yourself in other part of the world doing the thing that u might regret of not doing.. It might not be bad thing dedicating your life to your family.. my mother once said she has no regret on getting married at a young age now seeing all her kids have grown up and she’ll trade nothing in the world for such privilege… (That is when we don’t drive her nuts by pulling worst that monkey prank)..
I don’t know where will the destiny lead… let just leave them to God and collect all the guidance and clues down the journey.. I believe that one will figure out when, where and what along the way… till then.. don’t stop hoping and praying..
Happy Ramadhan everyone.. may this holy month be filled with joy and keinsafan.. (ahakzz… i did skip all the kissing and bla bla bla part during the reading okay!!!!)
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Thursday, August 04, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Saturday, June 04, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I dreamt last night.. Absurd dream..
I was so pissed in the dream when someone I think is somehow involved with me said after I put down my phone: “ Siapa tu? laki ka ppuan?” that I decided to end whatever involvement we had.
I will be glad if I were to be asked “Is everything OK?” rather than some random jealousy words. See how I react and im not even involve in anything yet!!!
Friday, May 06, 2011
Thursday, May 05, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Parfum... that's how the French pronounce perfume.. Im sure many of you out there are regular perfume user which means you dont leave the house without it on certain occasion (office, shopping, meetings or even to mamak's ? o_O). frankly speaking.... i love being around people who smells nice coz i stink!!! ahakzz... some might have certain smell that reminds us of them whenever we come across similar smell.. so trademark!! and im always a big fan of trade mark..And some of the you out there... i know your smell!!! even meters away.... ^0^...why the heck i sound so weird? no seual harassment intention here okay.. nada!!!
i grew up smelling so sweaty from all the sports event and running here and there for chores (walking slow me down!!).. and aha.. up to this age... never had proper perfume before.. its either i bought some weird body shop's perfume and ended up donating the to others coz i barely finish half of the bottle after 2 years from the year i purchase... ahakz... then my bestie introduce me to body mist from Victoria Secret. Love it!!! but again.. the whole 250 ml took me ages to move the level down by 5 ml..?? hehehe and due to the frequent free fall of the bottle... the pressing knob hehehehe kaput!! ayyyyyyy...
Then recently been a regular visitor to Badjenid . They sell most of the hot selling perfume in the market but in the form of essential oil with as low as RM 2 per small bottle (the small one). Not sure whether it should be considered as generic coz the effect is much longer compared to the one selling in Guardian and Watson. So i bought.. ahakz... 4 small different flavor perfume (macam boley makan)..
and 2 bigger one.. 1big + 2 small for each me n my mother...People might questioned: Why cant u just buy the original one? soooo pretender!! nk guna barang mahal.. tapi tak mampu (macam ako kesah klau nk kata pn!!!)... hmmmm per original bottle is around RM 200 ++... for someone that still in search of her 'smell' shouldnt i start with minimal amount? (so diplomatic me~~~yuckksss!!!).. so... people.. wish this stinggan girl luck so that she'll find a suitable one among them.. because..... I WANT TO SMELL NICE...
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Thursday, April 07, 2011
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
The stacks of dishes and cups were soaped and rinsed with the accompany of the non stop watery eyes alongside with the hingus from the nose. Couldn’t bare to face the crowd, I turned my back and continue to clean and wipe whatever necessary. Passer-by either stops and left the room or just ignores the tense atmosphere. Those cheap tears were wiped with the sleeve of my shirt. Why am I being so sensitive? Why am I acing like I never been scolded before? Why a fighter like me easily shed my tears over small thing?
It must been awhile since the last time I cried over something. I don’t blame them. Nothing they did was out of norm. It was me that lack is of knowledge. It was me that do less preparation when I have more than 2 weeks to prepare but I took it so easily. I expected to be ditch with multiple unanswered questions. But I didn’t expect I have such a low buffering system. Everything started to blurred after everyone left the room. It took nearly 1 hour for my breathing to stabilize and no longer paint my nose and face with red color.
I’m not sure whether it is normal or not to feel the sense of freshness along with the sudden emptiness after you cried. I felt relieved after the cried and vulnerable at the same time. Feel like I was broke into pieces and was glued back with holes and imperfection here and there. Short while after that, I grabbed a motivational book “Enjoy your life” by Dr Muhammad ‘Abd Al-Rahaman Al-‘Arifi. Few glance at the content and like a kid that was given a magic canvas. My soul was immediately filled with I’m not sure what. Words? No. It is something very content. Knowledge maybe. Or probably maturity. Ive been in a hard situation that neither anyone will like, and I fell hard on it and I gained something unexplained by words and I can smile on my silly act and aware that I shouldnt repeat the same mistake and the improvement will be the satisfactory solution temporarily.
God never left you alone in the dark. He’s with you even at your lowest sorrow state. Close you eye and you can feel the love. The presence of protection surrounding you embracing you and reminding you to stay strong because He’s with you.
A thought from the book:
When u climb a mountain, look at the top and not to the rocs that surround you. Make sure of where you step as you climb and do not leap in case you loose your footing.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Terhenti kata tiada terluah
Dinginnya malam menyapa manja
Ditemani janitor berbunyi tega
Kekosongan jiwa disebalik ketawa
Senyum terpahat palsu belaka
Hiba dirasa ketiadaan makna
Dekat pada tuhan antara caranya
Namun… ako manusia biasa
Tidaj lari dari lara dunia
Tiada tertepis godaan jiwa
Ingin terbang membelah benua
Mencari erti hidup berkelana
Meratah rakus ilmu jauh
Menyambut malam larut belaka
Menjengah pagi tanpa paksa
Harapan, mimpi dan reality berbeza
Ucapan kata dan bicara hanya terluah
Bila tiada teman di sisi
Diri sunyi namun selesa
Terasa ruang banya sekali
Coretan hati tiada pembaca
Lakaran rasa milik siapa
Di depan mata tidak ku timbang
Sesal kemudian sudah ku sedia
Terbanglah wahai mencari bunga
Usah ditunggu kudup layu
Yang tega tidak mekar
Kerna kuatir kecut sebelum masa
Bimbang tika kembang tiada bezanya
p/s: whoaaaa ako merepek time rumahku terhenti letrik … and terpengaruh dengan bahasa lama dalam Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa