As another day has passed

I was a little bit stressful today.
Long hours in the lab.
Machine breakdown.
And found that i lost my steering lock key.
And need to rent a car back home.
Pa said my spare key is no where to be found.
And so i laid down on the floor.
Energy flat.
Then i browse through instagram.
And fav page is Fynn Jamal's.
And i saw Juna's face smilling.
And some of his short vid laughing n playing.
And i am charged!
Shit!!
If i just happen to be unlucky to be unmarried,
I'll be a mother.

I make an oath again!

Ya.. again.. for the mek-tak-sure how many times. I wanna be pretty uolss! (Slaps kiri 2x, kanan 4x). Before that, this statement was type in between me slurping my just-made laksa (taste wise? improving!! ^.^V).. ahhh melalut lagik..

As usual la.. end of the month we tend to fantasize this and that while counting days bila laaaaa hari gaji nih wehhh!!! But then this suka-belanja-cam-pegawai besar nih tend to overspent every month! Weirdly, i dont buy expensive baju or what. Dine at home most of the time. But money flies buying tiny things (My bro's fav ayat: Hang mmg suka perabih duit beli benda murah pahtu tak pkai!!!). And I don't know Sabah that well yet to crash into any facial centre and get myself suck, pinch, cut!!! gerun..

So. I googled cheaper way to do that without running myself to another debt! (ps: 60% of my gaji are used to pay debt or standby to pay the incoming debt!.. or bakal Him. Count yourself unlucky!). I just need some motivation and consistency to carry out my mission.

Betulkan niat dulu. Sahaja ako nk jadi lawa bukan tuk bagi org puji: Ohhh MS, zelita, santek!... Ako nk segak sikit untuk kepuasa diri bila tgk cermin tak la nmpk kawah gunung banyak sangat oooooiiii!!!

Bismillahirahmanirrahim. Hope for His blessing. Pray for me!

Somewhere in between

It is lucky to be special to someone. Appreciate it!

Believe

Sometimes we can't just say: "Allah has a better plan for us." 
We have to believe He does.

Sehening siang di bulan Ramadhan

Makin lama ako bimbang, penghayatan ako terhadap puasa makin hampir kepada sekadar menahan diri daripada makan dan minum. Bilangan hari ako jejak ke rumah Dia untuk terawih pun dah makin berkurang. Amalan-amalan sunat pun dah kurang ako praktik kan. Solat wajib pulak kadang2 ako amik mudah. Cincai ja ako buat. Kerap kali ako lupa kedudukan harakat manakah ako berada. Ini bukan kali pertama. Setiap kali jadi mcm ni mcm signal. Iman dah goyah. Amal dah tak bertambah. 

Ako jadi takot. Jiwa ako akan mula jadi kosong klau benda nih jadi.. Jiwa kosong yang paling ako tak tahan. Bila jiwa ako kosong, terasa diri ako macam tak bererti. Tindak tanduk ako akan dipengaruhi emosi. Cepat sentap. Cepat marah. Mulat terlepas cakap. Astarfirullah. 

Tadi ako gagahkan diri juga ke terawih. Membawa harapan perasaan "fulfillment" itu datang. Mula2 deria mendengar ako seiiring dengan bacaan imam. Tapi lama kelamaan mula la minda bermain nakal. Itu ini difikirnya. Tapi... Ako tersedar kembali sebab gadis disebelah seolah2 menghubungkan ako kembali pada saf solat dengan merapatkan kedudukan kami hingga lengan atas saling bertembung. Somehow, seperti dihubungkan kembali. Walau tidak la sekusyuk yang lain pn solat ako. Tapi mainan mimpi tu dah berkurang. Alhamdulillah. Patut la slalu dinasihatkan rapatkan saf. 

Balik dari terawih, ako buzz junior ako. Soalan lawak serius ako: Macam mana nak dapat feel yang meresap seperti mana yang orang claimed they experienced time baca Al-Quran? Jawapan dia: Mulakan dengan ayat2 yang ringkas. Ayat yang kita suka. Dengar bacaan dan tgk tafsirnya. Lagi sedap klau imam mekah yang baca. Hati kena lapang sebab kita nk menerima ilmu. Banyakkan membaca tafsir macam baca story book. Wow. macam mega ja projek ako kali nih. phewwww.. Ako rasa nk try aah. I don't know what is the result. Tapi ako nk cuba. InsyaAllah. Ako harap ditemukan sesuatu. 

Trying to be an improved person will not turn you to a stranger. I am still me. Nothing change. I just want to fill my inner emptiness. 

~Make some noise~

Just when we thought that we faced the worst test from Sang Pencipta, once we got through it, looking back.. eleh.. no biggie pun.. still standing unwaveringly cool and awesome as before ja.. Kentut still busuk. (that's me!)

As the saying goes: UjianNya itu adalah tarbiyah dan hadiah dariNya.

And for months of having crush on a human, just when i got the news that he is 'owned'. i chocked my maggi and surprisingly no hard feeling nor feeling sad. And nothing awkward between us. (Obvious sgt i theoretically leveled this crush too high). And the feeling washed off just like that. (ohh hati.. pandai ya kau merawat dan menampal kekosongan..)

One thing came across me: Thank you dear God for showing sign to me so that I'll stop being mushy.. (That is so ain't me!)

So peeps.. It's been awhile i've been living my crush-less life by occupying myself with newly picked up hobby: cooking. 

Why(s)? one of them is to stop my mind from wondering to the dreadful state of '' i am so boring that i don't know what to do". "Watch TV, surf net, sleep".. to do this cycle for years? or even months?? i can't even stand for days.. 

Another why is: As much as my parents brought me up with their food, i want to be capable enough to bring up my future little minions into appreciating 'home'. 

Looking back, there's no way 3 months ago i can force myself to cook main course everyday. And there's nooo a big nooo to admit that market is a comforting place to visit. There's no way i did not visit the Bazar ramadhan hunting for food (But i bet i'll do that once i'm back to Penang. Who can resist Penang's food oiiii~~ the spices themselves are the ultimate killer.. wehooooo).. But Yes. Filling up the fridge with cooking ingredients also means I'll make frequent trips to the market. And yes.. Best ooooo p market!!! 

ps: Though nothing oh-so-heaven-taste cooking from me. But one step at a time kan..  I think i'll improve... 

Farewell

To bid farewell is the transition to greet new crowd and it is hell tiring!!

Plan plan plan

Ya know what!
I hate money management.
I hate to count everything that i paid deducting from what i have.
It usually drives me insane with my over spending. (Hanging myself soon!)
But this time is serious!
With the possibility of being unpaid for few months before the money starts to flow is seriously scaryyyy!!!!
I bang my head to the wall seeing the depleting buku biru..
Jerittttttt!!!!
From transportation to lodging!! Enormous!
And looking at the figure freaks me out!
Immediately cancelled all the nearby little outing..
Hilang akal! I'm so nearby the sea and yet my diving gear is jailed!
Astarfirrullahhalazim...istifar banyak2..
I am seriously considering a real simple life.
Will start cutting down more leisure (ahaaaaa!!! Hidung jadi panjang ... toingggg)
And i'll start with keeping a ledger book. (Kannnn! =.=|||)
Disciplineeeee button pressed. Mission will be activated on... May (ahahaha i do need some pampering before being serious kan!!!!!!)

Ako sang pipit

Each time when i saw beautiful lady comes out from a luxurious car, i gets jealous! (Who does not kan!).. It's like they have the world. Killer heels, superb dress, gorgeous handbag and great hair style.

I need to hit jackpot or hook myself as mistress in order to live like that. (Eye drolling, saliva dripping)

One day, while i was driving my darling kancil with the window wind down, it hits my mind that: why do i need luxury? When i myself grew up as the simple me. I wear whatever on sale, seldom follow current trending attite (put peplum dress far far from me please!!). I can't even walked pass Zara without feeling miserable for dressing up far far farrrr from the mannequin. I don't even feel comfy strolling in Pavi alone (put me in pasar malam/hypermart and jangggg.. i rule! That's my kingdom!!). 

So i cancelled a tempting purchase and go for more down to earth choice. Something resemble me more. Tak pa la kurang bergaya sikit. MS kan MS. She's miserably awesome just by being her!!! 

Sapa kata tak teringin nak mengebat.. Teringin.. Tapi.. Bersederhanalah dalam segala urusan kita and live a life according to our ability. 4 tayar ja punnnn!!! 

Ps: to people who is accustomed to modesty, sometime luxury is discomfort. -ms said-

Letih doing nothing

Day 3 unemployed
Overslept due to the extremely superb weather.
It was raining when my alarm rang.
And deeeerrr.. Apa barang bgn?!
Awake half and hour after that.
Recited al-fatihah (been training myself to do this on daily basis)
Did my 30x sit ups, 10x pumping. (This explains my current widening shoulder!)
Prepared the boring breakfast: 2 sausages + egg + bread.
Decided to bring them to the balcony.
Enjoyed the dizzling rain while having breakfast.
Read few lines of books then got bored again!
Lunch prepared by Papa.
And time passed by just like that

Ps: i am seriously not fit to stay at home and go through easy life.
Can't wait! To work! Work! Work!

Again??!! Again??!!

I went for an escape to the island with a group of sea lovers.
Then again i was asked the same boring question: Tak dak bf ka?
Demmm..
Have i been waiting for you?
Why? What?
We know each other less than 'long'.
Never once we have private time together.
Never once we spend time over meal together.
Just u and me.
Never once we share intimate moment together.
Basically we did nothing to be remembered of.
But why?
Why do i have your image floating in my mind.
No matter how much i wipe.
How fierce i chased them away.
It will still be there.
I don't even know u personally.
I see you from far.
Only from the net.
So why do i close myself?

So i started to pray and pray..
Ya Allah.. Close my heart.
Open it only to the One.
Till then.. Seal it..

Sweep sweep sweep you away

Always chanting the same chorus:
Forget forget
Release release

But each time i grabbed the phone,
On the FB. The search section will appeared your name.

"我们都无话可说
你现在的快乐
不是因为我 我很难过"

-ohhhh i need a new heavy crush to stop living this way-

No it is not

I thought i saw u..
I turn twice u know!
Demmm these delusions!!