The Downside of the Ups

Most of the time we don’t know what lies in front of us.. what’s have been prepared for us.. That is why some of us was torn in the middle of the rough n tough journey.. Its very un “siok” when u know you deserve something but it turns out that you failed to achieve what seems to be easy to you.. deep down in you.. you realize that you are better than them.. but their pathway is far easier if compare to you.. rezeki, ajal, maut, jodoh suma di tangan tuhan.. yeah.. that is what I’ve been believing.. until recently..

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I was a bit let down and start to questioned my capability and my ability.. I’ve been rejected and turn down again and again by jobs or application related to government agencies.. hey.. what is wrong with me? If last time.. I’ll cursed and will continue with “Sial!!! What is wrong with you guys not accepting me!!”.. Now I really need to reflect myself.. my cockiness.. my arrogance and my pride.. probably he was sending some sign over to me.. sign for me to keep my feet down to earth.. to lead a sincere life and to turn back and glance through all the possible cracks and shit I’ve done and I’m going to do..
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I’m a fun, crazy, unpredictable girl.. No.. I used to.. I agreed.. I sued to…my close friends said so.. I’m all upside down now..yeah.. coz I live a sincere life in the past.. I don’t lead a double face life.. I do what I like to do.. i hate when I need to.. then I’ll get over it fast.. coz I don’t keep things in heart.. now I’m more like a miniature trying to gather everything and keep them in my small narrow heart.. I think I’m no longer that cheerful and the fighter anymore.. I don’t fight for when I need too.. I grumbled.. damn..!!!
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Not all people able to lead a successful life and still keep good grab and control in their life.. I might not be one of that.. that probably be the reason he wants me to go through the hardlife, hardway… so that I will not forget and appreciate my root.. I’m not an intelligent person.. I’m just a normal girl that work slightly harder.. I need to not to rely on the luck that have been following me all these while.. I need to yeah.. work harder.. that’s is what I am going to do…. .
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. I want to believe that.. You’ll deserve what is yours!!
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. p/s: writing does able to reduce and answered the doubt that circling you.. I was upset before.. and I found my track back while my words flow.. I hope all of you did.. let’s work harder.. for the future, our love one and for ourselves.. may he be with us..