A slap on Me

The stacks of dishes and cups were soaped and rinsed with the accompany of the non stop watery eyes alongside with the hingus from the nose. Couldn’t bare to face the crowd, I turned my back and continue to clean and wipe whatever necessary. Passer-by either stops and left the room or just ignores the tense atmosphere. Those cheap tears were wiped with the sleeve of my shirt. Why am I being so sensitive? Why am I acing like I never been scolded before? Why a fighter like me easily shed my tears over small thing?

It must been awhile since the last time I cried over something. I don’t blame them. Nothing they did was out of norm. It was me that lack is of knowledge. It was me that do less preparation when I have more than 2 weeks to prepare but I took it so easily. I expected to be ditch with multiple unanswered questions. But I didn’t expect I have such a low buffering system. Everything started to blurred after everyone left the room. It took nearly 1 hour for my breathing to stabilize and no longer paint my nose and face with red color.

I’m not sure whether it is normal or not to feel the sense of freshness along with the sudden emptiness after you cried. I felt relieved after the cried and vulnerable at the same time. Feel like I was broke into pieces and was glued back with holes and imperfection here and there. Short while after that, I grabbed a motivational book “Enjoy your life” by Dr Muhammad ‘Abd Al-Rahaman Al-‘Arifi. Few glance at the content and like a kid that was given a magic canvas. My soul was immediately filled with I’m not sure what. Words? No. It is something very content. Knowledge maybe. Or probably maturity. Ive been in a hard situation that neither anyone will like, and I fell hard on it and I gained something unexplained by words and I can smile on my silly act and aware that I shouldnt repeat the same mistake and the improvement will be the satisfactory solution temporarily.

God never left you alone in the dark. He’s with you even at your lowest sorrow state. Close you eye and you can feel the love. The presence of protection surrounding you embracing you and reminding you to stay strong because He’s with you.

A thought from the book:

When u climb a mountain, look at the top and not to the rocs that surround you. Make sure of where you step as you climb and do not leap in case you loose your footing.

I am a beg-pack traveller, luggage and carrier bag just don't work on me

Tagline for this story will be: I am a beg-pack traveller, luggage and carrier bag just don't work on me. and heck.. in the attempts to start handy travel log without excess clothing which i hardly wear, i carried a nike training bag which is supposed to fit all the necessary baju in... ahakzz... ako terlupa!!! nk take into accounts on the after visitation to shops, gerai, shopping complexes... ahaa... and dengan gaya super makcik with left and right hop from one train station to another... no more!!! no more!!! i wasn't going to talk much about what i have done through out the trip, but what i have gained through out the days...

1. meeting up your old buddies are so indeed a must after being apart for sometime to find the old you. the genuine you that worry less, think less, enjoy more, watch movie more, laugh more... its a way to reflect how much you have grow... whether positively or negatively...

2. leave all the work behind. It is hard to be an adult.. even worst if u held any important position.. basically workloads will be continuously being reminded whenever u are about to start to have fun.. can i just be once a while being irresponsible and say: forgive yourself once a while will you..leave the BB, laptop behind... ignore those crazy calls.. you are on holidays.. works shouldn't be standing on the way... but susah kan... T.T.. mengeluh jap.... maybe u can do so for long period traveling like what the mat saleh did.. haihhh~~~

3. postponing the date to travel is a vodoo!!! cannot cannot!! do not do so!!!! what happen if u have sick mate in the group? the best option is to get the correct medication for the illness.. DO NOT ever rely on commercially available pills like panadols and its product. These pills will only temporarily relieve your pain but couldnt cure you.. u'll end up suffering and suffocating yourself with all the symptoms.. drop by at the pharmacy or clinic to get the recommended medication... on top of that.. take care of your health when the date is around the corner...

4. be flexible.. always expect the unexpected (no hotel, no ticket).. things often doesnt turn out to be according to plan.. don't be panicked.. control your anger and emotion... coz there might be more things to explore and enjoy or gained by doing the unplanned events... ^^... prepare yourself with surprises..

5. lapangkan dada dan minda anda when you are around others.. all are human being with different way of thinking and behavior... people might agree or might disagree with your plan.. so again.. be flexible and mature enough to handle these situations... stay calm... think of the best way that works for others.. for the whole team.. nama pn geng kan... even you have to put behind your interest.. its ok... u can do it some other time kan... ^^..

Learn to enjoy every single thing u do

Coretan Gelap

Terhenti kata tiada terluah

Dinginnya malam menyapa manja

Ditemani janitor berbunyi tega

Kekosongan jiwa disebalik ketawa

Senyum terpahat palsu belaka

Hiba dirasa ketiadaan makna

Dekat pada tuhan antara caranya

Namun… ako manusia biasa

Tidaj lari dari lara dunia

Tiada tertepis godaan jiwa

Ingin terbang membelah benua

Mencari erti hidup berkelana

Meratah rakus ilmu jauh

Menyambut malam larut belaka

Menjengah pagi tanpa paksa

Harapan, mimpi dan reality berbeza

Ucapan kata dan bicara hanya terluah

Bila tiada teman di sisi

Diri sunyi namun selesa

Terasa ruang banya sekali

Coretan hati tiada pembaca

Lakaran rasa milik siapa

Di depan mata tidak ku timbang

Sesal kemudian sudah ku sedia

Terbanglah wahai mencari bunga

Usah ditunggu kudup layu

Yang tega tidak mekar

Kerna kuatir kecut sebelum masa

Bimbang tika kembang tiada bezanya

p/s: whoaaaa ako merepek time rumahku terhenti letrik … and terpengaruh dengan bahasa lama dalam Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa

being ignored

have you ever felt left out when u are in a group.. you initially wasn't belong to the group, yet due to you being thick face, slowly you manage to mingle in.. sometimes it feels great when you are considered in the circle..

yet.. grabbing something that is not yours from the very beginning wasnt easy even though you've tried hard... there's no one to blame in this case.. you'll be acting the same way if u have non-geng hang over... kan?? tapi cannot emo emo!!! you are blessed... at least you still have them around... they might not be the who you expected them to be... then.. expect less.. dont expect to be paid attention all the time.... comfort yourself if u feel like being ignored.. find something that u can do alone without attracting attention that u tend to stay away from the group... just find some simple distraction... even though you'll end up twisted... but u have to... its a way of being a survivor...

Make the change you want to see in the world - Gandhi

Got an email from a dear friend Melissa about the donation for Japan that was badly effected after the tsunami, the earth quake and the nuclear leak. It was such a major shock to the world when a so developed country who is ahead of the world in many fields was hit continuously with disasters. Well... there might be reasons behind every single thing that happen.. Lets just pray hard that the country can survive the crash and the citizens are safe.. there's not much thing for us to do.. below are simple thing that you might find it useful if u are planning to donate to Japan.. (im too sleepy to avoid plagarism...directly taken from her email)

"My mother and family lives there and it is very bad that so i thought of taking this opportunity for us bloggers to reach out to our readers asking to lend a helping hand. A little help goes a long way i believe.

Hope you can consider. Thank you and have a good day

Donate RM3 http://www.groupsmore.com/cities/multiple/deals/malaysian-red-crescent

Donate RM10

http://milkadeal.com/deals/support-malaysian-red-cross-emergency-relief-fund-for-japan-and-make-a-difference

Make the change you want to see in the world - Gandhi"

shout out: babe!! semoga your mother and family are in good condition. insyallah

International Day

Recently went to a concert organized by the International Student, USM. Its an interesting events filled with dances and performances.. the MCs were very entertaining as well..

Here were the memorable moments:

1. A male singer from indonesia with a teddy bear walked up towards his girlfriend while singing More Than Words and wished her happy anniversary (half hugging her) was indeed only happen in movie.

2. Few international students from western countries (the whites) were dancing : Bollywood dance and korean pop song (Run Devil Run and Ghee - SNSD).

3. All the dances choreograph by the brother of ex-bakti's mak cik cafe yang masak rebung masuk lemak paling sedap skali!!!!

4. Belly dancing + ballet dance = exotic dance

Sementara

Menjengah kejap blog berhabuk ako nih... berlaptopkan c mox and bertempat d surau sementara menunggu masuk nya zohor... tetiba terpanggil lak tuk menekan... walaupun tak tahu la arah tuju nya ke mana... hmmm... petang ni akan try guna machine dekat lab yang agak asing... tak la kenal orang sangat. just happen the lecturer know my lecturer... so ako nk la g test sample kt sana.. machine yang lebey canggih... tp kan.. pandangan mata diaorg time ako singgah tuk shrt communication with them were a bit unwelcoming... cam ntah aah itu look down or apa.. tp... its not something very comfortable to begin with.. aihh~~~ pasni klau ok, kira agak kerap la gak ako akan bertapa di sana... camna nih... kena tahan and bare with it ja la...~~

shout out: this coming dinner really drives me nuts... tetiba cam tersedar.. i have nothing good to wear.. all are ok sahaja... glad to be helped by melissa.. thanks babe!! but dont know.. i like to wear something that represent me.. masculinity in femininity... tapi blum lagi come across..